Disregard

It's been really long since I last updated. So long that I totally forgot about the existence of this page until, I'm a little shy but, I googled myself. HAHAHA cos I forgot what my url was damn it.

I really don't know where to start? And I really don't think anyone really comes here anymore, or even in the first place. You know what's the most prominent change in me in this 6 months? MY LANGUAGE. I know, I know I mention it all the time even I can't stand myself! ): But, I am deeply saddened all the time because of this...

I think I know where to start. I've realised in the last few months. One should never, under and circumstances, take anyone for granted no matter how great your excuse could be. Some times, when you lose someone, when that loss can never be recovered no atter what, it'll be too dan late to regret. It'll be too late for you to cry and whine and act like a bitch over it. And I guess everyone should know which are the ones who are worth keeping and which are the ones who deserve to go.

In this life, I was loved by you.

What a tyrant the way some people act. You know it's fine if you want things to go your way, I can compromise. It's fine if you never wanna lose in an argument, I can bite my tongue. It's fine if you think I'm some form of entertainment because "Hey make fun of Val all you want, she's okay, her feelings won't be hurt, can call her whatever you want.", I can pretend it doesn't hurt all the time and play along all the time. But I now see that that's where I went wrong. I should have fussed about such trivial matters I thought would be just a one off thing, but look, it happens every other day, in front of people I barely know. I do feel embarrassed. I do have feelings. If I wanna be known any other way my self introduction would be "Hi, you can call me Val, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I get hurt all the time and oh yeah I have a figure of a ruler and I have no ass and I am as skinny as a monkey because too bad for me my limbs are proportionately long so it makes me look funny."

Whatever it is you wanna do to me, I am fine with it as long as it doesn't kill me. However much anger I have, it subsides eventually so I always feel like there's no need to show it and spoil the friendship relationship kinship, whoever you are to me. The minor hiccup here would be that I am human too, I have flesh blood and unfortunately feelings. Wanna talk about sensitivity, if you really do know me like family or like a very close friend, you would know I am one of the most sensitive and fragile person you can ever see. However much I try to conceal, how I try to laugh it off all the fucking time, the real sensitivity in me, nobody sees. So I don't blame you if you tend to forget that I'm the fragile kind. Because all these years I've been trying to be strong and putting on an act is the closest I can get. What's the use of pouring your heart out, creating a scene over something that just doesn't go your way? I've always felt that taking a deep breath, letting it go and sustain the friendship relationship or kinship in return was something more worthwhile. Pity some people have a very different view on such matters of the heart.

But I come to my point, that I am human. I have feelings and I do snap too. Well, pros and cons to having such a personality where you put everyone you love before yourself, is that when you snap there's no turning back. But it would take one helluva tsunami to make someone like me snap. Really. I mean snap at someone who means something to me. You see, just because I'm nice it doesn't give you any right to take advantage of this kindness. But you see, thing about people is that they tend to do so subconsciously. So fine, if you take advantage of me I'm okay with it. But seriously you see. I have a threshold of the shit that I can take, which I already think is higher than majority of the people I know. There are limits to everything. Sometimes, you need to take a step back and spare a thought for the others. It doesn't kill, it just takes up a little time from your self absorbed mind.

Privacy

Bloody fucking hell, doesn't anyone get any privacy around here anymore? Oh wait, my only privacy goes as far as the things that I can lock, since birth. Bloody hell. What's in my bag, is none of your effing business. What medication I'm on, is not your bloody problem. Knnbccb fucking hellh. If you like to go through my stuff so much, let me go through your stuff too. Let's be fair since we are all adults now. I don't need your nose, poking into my business or my things. I can decide for myself what time I want to go to bed. And frankly speaking, at the age of 21 you're still calling my friends, I am deeply ashamed. And it annoys the fuck out of me.

I don't care seriously. I go out for 2 hours and you start making so much noise.. Just because I stay home doesn't mean I HAVE TO. I only choose to stay home because I am that lazy. I don't like being home now that grandma doesn't stay with us anymore. I hate being home. Because I don't get to see her on a daily fucking basis. Yeah go on and put the blame on me telling me that it's my fault and when she stayed here I was hardly home. Nothing is your fault. You totally did not argue with her, driving her away. You were totally the one who begged her to come home. Up till today, I am still trying to trick her, plea, beg her to come home to stay okay? That's how bad I want it. I thought of solving the toilet issues she has by exchanging room with you so we have a toilet in the room thus more convenient. And frankly, worrying if you ever read this at all is the least of my worries right now. Because I know you would eventually. You have no idea about the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Just because I choose to stay home doesn't mean I have to be home. Don't be too fucking much seriously. When I go out after a long while, what the fuck is wrong with staying out late? Once in a while will kill meh? And seriously, if you compared the me now and the me one year back, I'm sure I was way worse lah okay. Admit it. Even if I changed for the better stay home everyday go school come back, it still wouldn't satisfy you. Not even a little bit. I will never be good enough and there will always be something wrong with me. Please. I go out till wee hours, you make a hell out of a big deal out of it. When I don't, you are unhappy about the time I sleep. Seriously. Why not just reverse this entire pregnancy? Maybe you'd be a happier person. Since all I do is torture you, quoted.

Only grandma understands, when she asked if I still go home late I said no, she said very good stay home good.

You know what, it doesn't kill to acknowledge something that is done right/something good once is a fucking while, even though it's not the best. Oh and thanks for your compliment that didn't come about me getting EAGLES Award. By the way, EAGLES is sorta like an all rounder award? Studies plus cca/comm service. I'm pretty happy about it, and I'm sure grandma would be proud if I told her about it on Tuesday.

And lastly, next time you need to know anything about me, just google it or help yourself through my stuff like you always do. Don't have to waste my time or energy to question me. But don;t you worry, even if I was going down to the next block to get a drink, I'll be sure to bring my entire fucking room with me.

Innocence

I know I have been blogger fairly regularly lately, shocker there. But, I don't know. I just feel kinda inspired to. (Waaaaa inspired leh.) No picture posts though. Been feeling rather ugly lately.

It's preposterous how I see people using words that are beyond their dictionary. I mean, just saying~ And then there are people who make such beautiful and factual phrases sound so hmm, gross. I mean mostly cos you are very ah lian in your mannerism so the way it comes out, totally ruined. Actually I'm just targeting an individual here so don't be offended, friends. Do you even know how to pronounce half the words you use, correctly? Ney, I doubt so. Do you even know the actually meaning of the word? Yeah, maybe I can give you credit on this one. You probably checked the dictionary before posting it out online.

Felling kinda bitchy today, I haven had a bitchy post in a while, I think? But anyway, it's ridiculous how self absorbed some people can get. I mean, why can't I be the one who takes people for granted instead of being taken for granted? Why can't I be the one who says no and gets away with it instead of the one who has to worry about feeling bad or guilty if I say no which eventually becomes a yes anyway. Why can't I, for once for God's sake, be the bitch in any broken heart? Oh wait I have an answer. Because I'm Valerie~ that's what I do. Hate being a Pisces really, lose out in every aspect of life, crude word for me: Loser~

Back to self absorbed people. Yeah, spare a thought for.. Anyone really, anyone but yourself. Yeah I know it's the holidays but really, I don't owe you anything. I make time for you and you give me really absurd reasons to play me out. Really, you can do better than that. What's so difficult in saying something like "I don't feel like meeting today." I mean if it's me, yeah I'll prolly come up with a lame excuse so I won't break your heart. But you? I see no difficulties at all. I know I'm not exactly an angel but, I'm definitely not the kind who will leave you to die if I knew you were going to, unless of course I hate you..

Anyway, as usual I have been watching Lie To Me and a few chick flicks. But I must say season 3 is really, quite bad. I fall asleep halfway, I don't follow and I'm really quite uninterested. Anyway, have I mentioned? I am making a list of wants from my mom who is going to Taiwan without me. ): I am gonna make sure I still get my worth of Taiwan, starting with maybe a porter bag. But..... She prolly wouldn't be able to find porter, or maybe identify one even if it was right in front of her face. I think this slow/blur/clumsiness/retardation runs in the family, from my mom. Hahaha no joke. And I'm about done with ALL the movies in my laptop. And that's quite a lot you know? Okay, with the exception of 3 seasons of Chuck I intend to devour slowly. I'm such a couch potato really. Eh, I'm damn good at digressing and my flow of ideas is in a mess and it's all chopped up. That's cos I'm a mess.. My brain functions the way I am, physically.

Okay, gonna learn how to operate the washing machine so I will not have to die in the 10 days I'm alone. I really hate the way I speak and the way I look. I think I need a make over and I need to rearrange my wardrobe for the, 10th time since february. No exaggeration there really.

Me is couch potato #1, I have becomes a balls, round potatoes. I eats so much that I thinks I gains 2kg(already being practical) every days. I does this every days, slept until noons wake ups eats then lies in beds and fiddles with this apples and then watches movies and then baths BATHS NOT BATHE then eats then watches movies and eat and do nothings. You hurts me. (Sorry I can't help it) Can't stand myself anymore.

Been too lazy for my liking. Want to need to do something productive. Starting from Zhiyi's article! Hahaha I have nothing to do anyway, might as well help this poor girl.. So much work in Uni! Haiyo. Okok I wanna go.. EAT AGAINS?! Yes.. Kthxbai~

(Amazing how my mood changes in the length of the time I use to compose a post. And how much shit I write here. Why do you waste your time reading? I am fucked)

AND I JUST REMEMBERED MY TITLE IS INNOCENCE BECAUSE I WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT how I just remembered when we were younger and we had to do eggshell painting for art lessons, how my grandma would waste a dozen eggs for me because I wanted the shells. And in order not to crack the egg into half, she would make a hole using chopsticks so that the shell still maintains. I love my grandma to bits, really. She really is the epitome of true love to me. No matter how fucked up I turned out to be, she still loved me the best. I love you Mama.

Hoax

Goodness, I have no idea why I had such a queer dream last night. I remember vaguely telling myself this morning half conscious to remember my dream. Been awake or about 4 hours and only now did I recall this entire subconsciousness. I don't even remember the dream entirely. #1, I'm going entirely psycho. #2, Lie To Me fucks the mind a little. #3, I'm too engrossed and I've been swept away by this entire dream interpreting shit. #4, I need to relax pronto.

I really need to and I totally want to go on a holiday. I wanna go to the beach and just chill the entire day away. I'm pretty upset that I'm not going to Taiwan, that's 10 whole days from this hell hole. But, I would much rather stay in school than to spend 10 days in Taiwan and maybe regret after. I really need a holiday.

I really love Cal Lightment. He is such a joy seriously. All the sarcasm and all bad jokes and his attitude just rocks. Hahahahaha. Love the way he is, the way he pushes people to tell him what he wants. He's sucha smarty pants. Here goes:

*Waitress serves his food* - 2 poached eggs in a tart that makes the eye and some sauce makes it the smile.

Cal: What do you call this? Stupid on a plate?

HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck. And his accent, makes him very very sexy. Hehehe.

Dreams, are reality.

Been having pretty queer dreams that seemed pretty real lately. So, I took the liberty of having them interpreted according to the emotions I have, in these dreams.. I only recently discovered this interpretation shit(slow as usual), so there are gonna be a few core emotions in this post. But believe me, having found such a wonderous little tool, I am sure to recall every dream I have hence forth. Here goes.

Abandonment

"One's own abandonment in a dream indicates the need to relinquish previous emotions and traits that are impeding personal advancement. Insubstantial beliefs and thoughts must be abdicated. This dream could be naturally analyzed as illustrating your phobia of being left behind, forsaken or double-crossed. Do thoughts that others disregard your ideas or beliefs frequently visit you? Recently experiencing or fearing the loss of a loved-one could trigger this abandonment dream. This phobia may subconsciously embody itself in your dream and thus serves as a vital component of dealing with and surpassing losing someone you cared about. Struggles from your youth or uncertain emotions could also be the cause of this dreams' appearance. If you are the one deserting others in your dream, this illustrates your being overpowered by your own conflicts and struggles. "

Anger

"To dream that you are angry signifies vexation and regret within yourself. You push the negativity down and this reveals itself in anger towards others. Evaluate yourself. Anger could have follow you into your dreams from something that happened during waking hours. Dreams are a safer harbor with which to deal with these intense emotions. You simply haven't accepted these strong emotions of anger consciously."

Laughing

"To dream of laughing may indicate a build up in stress or tension. Many people laughing in your dream is a message to give yourself a break and be a little more playful in your waking life. Someone laughing at you implies social anxiety and the need to be mentally kinder to yourself."

Sad

"A dream in which you are sad implies that in order to once again experience true bliss, you must discontinue all negative thoughts. Battling suffering and distress will allow you to achieve joy."

Scared

"To dream that you are scared denotes that you are experiencing low self-worth and uselessness. You no longer hold power over some aspect of your life. You may feel rage towards someone or something."

There is one more that I have been getting pretty much recently: cheating. Hahaha I don't know why, but yeah. Anyway, these interpretations, I only choose to read it for the fun of it. Well, whether it's true or not, only the individual knows. It is only in the individual where the choice of believing or forsaking is worthy. So yeah, these are just two cents worth. But they say, dreams are mostly stimulated by the last thought before you fall asleep, could be the subconscious last emotion before you drift into sleep? I don't know.

I haven been doing much. Been catching up on Lie To Me and Pirates of the Caribbean before I go to bed. Maybe these weird creatures are giving me weird dreams. Hahaha.

Omg I just found on that happens to me quite frequently, I swear.

Wake Up Crying

"To wake up crying indicates the mourning of your soul. It also connotes your need to modify the ways you deal with situations in your life."

Hmm... Something to ponder about. I know this is a real wordy post. So I shan't continue. Maybe tomorrow! BTW, I wanna go for a run tomorrow morning. Hellyeah.

Blessing in disguise or a disastrous start of a brand new journey?

Hmm, me is a happy girl whoop whoop. Well, I've been staying home the entire week but I'm not complaining. Pretty proud actually. I have Mitch Albom by my side with a few TV series for companionship. Kinda like my holidays - laid back style~ on my own.

Today, I went shoe shopping! Kudos to Mommy who was in a good mood, we went to Tang Studio! Comfy comfy shoes I must say! Pretty skeptical at first, would rather go for my Far East cheap shoes. But, you'll be surprised! Okay luh the shoes, either that or I've just been increasingly easy going these days when it comes to shopping. Could be that I don't really care that much. But... Hehe I got 3 pairs!!! Haha damage done to Mommy. Thanks Mommy, I love you deep deep xoxo. I gave her my oversized shorts though.

I think I've been losing too much weight without meaning to, did i mention? Now I'm kinda scared. Stepped on the weighing scale and got a shock! Lightest from when I can even remember. And, I've been eating. Think I got worms.

My memory's failing me. If you see me on the streets and I don't say hi and I'm supposed to know you, say hi to me. I am just slower these days. Numbered days. Wow, melodramatic bitch someone. Hehe I'm kidding, memory not that bad yet...

Think my nails need to take a breather from this crazy owner. I went from green > purple > red > pink in about a month or 1 1/2 months. After the pink starts chipping, I'm gonna go all natural. When the lady was doing my nails the last time only did I realise that my nails turned YELLOWISH. I was like whoa shit for like 30 seconds then I kinda forgot about it. Either that or I have just been smoking too much lately. Hahaha ): I need to cut back! Staying home, I weigh the pros and cons. I smoke more eat more but I guess I save more $$$ compared to going out being in the sun getting ugly skin!

Eh I think tonight I wanna go mask! Hahaha, I have never been the kind who's crazy over doing masks and stuff until lately. I don't know why the sudden craze and interest. But I guess it comes with the age. Gone with parts of the laziness gradually, slowly but surely in with these more of these vain little moments. Just scared that if I start taking special care of my skin, it will become worse. Since it's fine with the least of my attention, should I be doing these extras?

Tomorrow I wanna stay home! Funneh. But I'm serious.

To do list:

#TOP PRIORITY// VISIT GRANDMAMA!!

#1 Rearrange my rack of clothes (complete total mess now)

#2 Do mask (tonight lazy)

#3 Bum around, Valerie style

#4 Clean my room a little

#5 Throw away stuff I've been meaning to throw away

#6 Read book watch show same old

Quite boring hor my day. ): Haiya, but you know what's the best part of this day? When you just nua in bed and do NOTHING. Be completely paralyzed in thoughts and daydreams of how awesome it would be if everyday was like this, for the rest of your life. ValerieSibeiLamNua@yahoooooooooo~.croms It's nice to be lamnua once in a while lah okay. Those who have yet to get a chance to do so, YOU ARE NOT LIVING YO. Or you're just in denial cos it prolly has happened to you but you're too proud to admit you have been dirty and lazy and didn't care about make up for just one day of your busy life.

I'm still not used to sleeping alone. ); I really miss my grandma a lot. But it seems she's pretty serious about it this time.. ): But I love the random phone calls I get from mama. She makes my day, all the time. And every time I leave her house when I visit, if I'm heading out after, she will always tell me: "Have a nice day! *her joyous cute smile*" I really miss her very much and her leaving, made me realised she really did pamper like hell. Especially when it's just me and her around. She locks the door for me everyday when I go out. She climbs out of bed just to do that. She waits for me to step into the lift before closing the door every time. In between, we will exchange kisses and waves from my lift lobby to my door. You know, it is a kind of bliss. To have someone like this in your life. They set everything in place. This is why, when you lose them, you become some what dysfunctional. I don't wanna be dysfunctional. I want Mama to live forever, even though I know forever doesn't exist..

Typed so much, but about 9/10 of it is really just crap that doesn't really matter. Hahaha. Kthxbai.

Why do you build me up, buttercup.

I have a fucked up sleeping pattern I must say..

I always wonder why, I do not have an interesting life. Whenever I read other blogs, their lives seem a whole lot less mundane than mine.. Or so I think.. Maybe it's my lack of competence to go into detail of how my days were exactly and my lack in taste for what is considered interesting to me now. I don't know, beats me. I just complain about the same shit every day.

So let me try.

My recent days were filled with void deck gatherings, holland, mccafe, monopoly deal, prawning, smoking, eating, smoking, eating and oh, smoking and eating. I'm a real bummer, I know. And I've been visiting Peninsula quite a bit, to accompany Zhiyi to get her alterations and her new guitar and my pretty babies. Heh. And I never seem to stop eating. WHY. And yesterday, everyone at the table in-sync-ly said the same thing to where my fats all go. But I couldn't agree more. People who are close to me, you guys know where they go and where I usually lose from.

I am very sad to say that my rash is back and I am quite annoyed because I missed out on sending fatty off today. ): Yeah she left for Perth, already. The last I know we were like, "Omg you're going back in 2 weeks." Before we even realise, it's time for her to fly already. I was thinking, of making a trip over to Perth in September! Sounds like fun and hard work at the same time! Need to work my ass away to save up for my plane ticket! But it's be well worth the pain of working!

Oh yeah I'm on Fleet. Sounds cool and harmless right? But it fucking sucks. It's saline laxatives. Doctor suggested I cleanse my system of all 'toxic' so the rash won't come back so often. Saline laxatives are the worst thing you can ever consume. It's like drinking, salt mixed with salt water. IT'S MOTHER FUCKING SALTY HOW ABOUT? And just one sip of it, I already feel like gagging. Imagine drinking about 800ml worth. I swear before I had the runs, I already feel it coming out of my mouth. Gross sorry. Okay, for the sake of clean intestines and a mini diet, I finished a little more than half. Haha I've always hated laxatives. Why take them, when you can just starve? Less torturing.

I don't know why, but I never fail to find my posts really disorganized and lacking in structure. You know, it's the perfect portray of my thoughts because honestly speaking, whatever I type comes straight from my mind without thinking twice. I'm dysfunctional like that, deal with it. If I were to write an essay and have it graded, I would prolly get negative 100. Lack of content, limitation of vocabulary, trashy grammar and lastly, disorientated display of rubbish. It belongs in the bin. ):

Gonna go wallow in self pity and blas ap IN mah engwish. Whoop whoop. Eh by the way sorry I just have to add, I really cannot stand it whenever I read people's tweet and their grammar spelling or the entire sentence just simply comes out wrong! Like "so much for not going" becomes "so much of not going" for example. It's not hard to tell from when it's a mistake(typo) to you're-just-plain-stupid-trying-too-hard when you keep repeating the same "mistake" and never seem to get it right, not even once. You'll be surprised, you get to see a lot of such errors in just one update. I'm not trying to be mean but what I cannot stand is the urge to reply the tweet to correct the mistake. But I always decide that it's too mean. And I'm just too anal. Sorry, who am I to judge, my english also cui.. But, just saying! Not directed to anyone below 25 years old.

Feeling a tad bitchy sorry. ): it's pms + the number of times I've been to the loo make my legs wobbly thus my mood is in the basement. Okay goonai all.

Trimester

For the record, my post titles have no relevance to anything that is in these posts you know? I mean, most of the time.. Whatever I put on the title is just hmm, whatever pops up in my head in that instance. So it's basically random!

Just had dinner with grandmama. I used to hate home cooked food back when I was in secondary school, but now I would kill just to have a home cooked meal. I mean, mama cooks almost every weekday but, I'm hardly home to have dinner. ): Regrets of going through teenage angst and rebellion.

Mama was so cute, she came into the room, stood by the door leaning on the frame in a very cute manner and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her. Of course! Been years since I sat down with mama in my home and had dinner with her. I've neglected her.. ): I'm sorry. I really am.

When I grow older, I should learn how to cook proper meals for myself and family. And before I do that, I think I should learn to be less of a picky eater. But this habit has been with me all 21 years of my life. Mama is the only one, who extinguishes my hate for luncheon meat. Yes, seriously. I only eat the luncheon meat she cooks. I mean she doesnt cook it any differently it's basically just fried. But because she has a way of always telling me to "try, it's very nice." and I give in and take it. Today she told me, "Once in a while eat, very nice hor?" Hahaha sooooo cute...

And you know what's amazing, she's the only one who gets my fucked up eating habits. She knows exactly what I do not eat. And she's the only one who cooks the same thing two days in a row just because I say I want it. She hardly ever says no to me. About anything. She loves me the best, really. And I'm thankful I have her in my life. I hope she'll stay with me though..

Oh and I'm glad to say that I think I'm back to my "Cleo Days" physique, as Katie would put it. Hehe. Almost there..

Where is the good in goodbye?

Don't know why, I am suddenly inspired to do a post. Right at AMK Hub while waiting for my princess to finish he facial.

Every time I hear your name, I just go into a fits of rage. Really. And all the insignificant people out there, don't read too much into this post because as bored as I am, you will definitely not make it to my posts not even when I am about to die from boredom. This rage comes from this mega bitch which shall not be named before I have to go for reformative sessions for nothing.

I'm glad the semester is nearly over, with the exceptions of the exams. Can't say I'm proud of myself because hmm, I foresee two outcomes of this semester, both I genuinely regret. #1, I will get kicked out. #2, I have about 3/4 of the total modules I took this sem to repeat. So hello Year 4, I smell you already.

Things I will be sure I will not do if (so help me God please) I actually get past this sem. I will not cut classes. I will be an A student which, haha I should be capable of if I actually decide to put in the efforts. If I can get straights As for 2 sems in ITE with my very bad behaviour and attitude(sleep in class + more MC than the number of days I'm in school + in school but in the toilet more than half the time + really almost go kicked out), I should be able to do it here with the right attitude. Okay yes, I always say the same shit but do otherwise. But it's about time I matured and actually do something right in my life and actually work for something I actually wanted so badly 2 years back.

You see, complacency kills you. Really.

Truce between me and you, I don't want to or need to fight you, it's pointless because you are a bitch and the only way you can ever win is by unscrupulous methods which we both know, you are very capable of and it's about the only thing you'll ever know how to do.

Big BANG Theory

Harrows, okay yeah I have bangs now. Big surprise. (I was pretty skeptical about it myself)

Well, new hair for the new year and new beginnings! What the heck, why not!

Okay not much updates, life in Singapore can't get any more interesting than anything you've already experienced, really. So yeah, days are mundane as always. School serves as a threat, yeah it's on the line now for me. If I am capable of screwing up any further(which is an understatement because of course I can go all out), I would do permanent damage on my future transcript if I manage to earn one. Yes.. I need to grow the fuck up and stop fucking with my future..

So, the key comes to me soon. (Katie, Keith, if you're reading this don't mock, just say Hi.) Boy, I'm getting old. And I guess it's true, as age catches up, you just get cranky. I sound like I'm turning fucking 60. No I'm kidding, it's just the pms kicking in and I've just been having crazy mood swings and I've just been mad grumpy lately. There really isn't a reason for me to get hyped up about hmm, turning 21? Feels like a normal year, hoping I don't screw my life over.

On a lighter note, my health is spiraling downwards. No I'm not kidding. I get these crazy stomach problems every now and then. And I don't know, spending more than 6 hours away from my bed, I feel like I'll collapse. Seriously. I never seem to get enough sleep be it after 14 hours or 6 hours of sleep. Really. And I don't know. Just got this vibe my days are numbered. Either that or I'm pregnant. (I'M JUST KIDDING, CHILL) HAHAHA why am I so morbid right? But really, the next invitation you receive from me might just be to my wake. Come in rainbow colours guys, black and white's too normal and normal is what I've been for my entire life. Funeral has got to be awesome, at least. (how is this a lighter note, I don't know really.)

Okay, pictures of me bangs in a bit. Please ignore the huge mess of a sty I call a room for me. Too lazy to crop the photos, and this was before CNY. So the mess. Okay, too much coke for the day so the funny way I speak. I'm somewhere between stoned and hyperactive. Yeah but beyond normal. You know?

My grandma just came in to ask me "If born in 1931, how old this year?" Awwww, she's so cute! Plus the cute blur face she's got on when she was asking me. Anyway Mama's turning 80 soon. I love you Mama, goodnight. :)